Close friendships offer us so much. In addition to moments of laughter and joy, friendships can give us a sense of safety, a person with whom to share our most vulnerable thoughts and feelings, and a space where we feel we can be our authentic selves. Many of us think of our friendships as one of the most important elements in our lives. So, what do we do when we feel like a friendship is falling apart?

Signs a friendship is in trouble

The friendship feels one-sided

You feel as if you are putting all of the effort into connecting with your friend, or that you are the only one investing emotionally in the relationship. 

Conversations seem less meaningful

You feel that you rarely communicate about important things or connect vulnerably about your thoughts and feelings. 

You feel drained

Instead of feeling secure and motivated after spending time with your friend, you feel exhausted or doubtful about yourself. 

Differences in values

You notice that you disagree on core values, and that communicating around these differences frequently leads to conflict or hostility. 

Lack of safety in the relationship

You lack a sense of trust in the friendship, or you feel that you must “earn” the friendship or “prove yourself” to the other person to maintain the friendship.

Open conflict

There is open conflict in the relationship or one or both parties have communicated that the friendship is failing or is over.  

Deciding whether to try to save the relationship

Healthy friendships require mutual investment and interest. It can be helpful to identify whether you have reasons for maintaining the relationship. Ask yourself whether you feel that the relationship can return to a state in which both parties feel safe and secure in the friendship and are prepared to invest the time and energy to make the relationship work. If so, there are ways to try to restore and even strengthen your connection.

Acknowledge and communicate 

Tell your friend that the relationship is important to you, and you have sensed or acknowledge it has changed. Ask your friend if they are open to working to strengthen the friendship.

Be empathetic and accountable for your feelings

Aim to be empathetic and non-defensive in communications. Use “I” versus “you” language, for example, instead of saying “You hurt me when you did not come to my party,” say “I felt hurt when you did not attend my party.”

Be clear about values

Be specific about what you value in a relationship and be open to learning how your friend’s values may differ. Talk through differences and ways you may still support each other even if you have different needs and expectations. 

Letting a friendship go

Sometimes we decide that it makes the most sense to let a friendship go, and sometimes a friend may decide to end a friendship even if we hoped to rebuild it. The end of a friendship can be a very difficult and emotionally impactful event. While there is no “right” or “wrong” reaction, some strategies may help you to process the change. 

Acknowledge your feelings

The ending of a friendship is frequently accompanied by feelings of anger, sadness, and deep hurt. Experiencing these can feel uncomfortable, and it is tempting to try to avoid it. However, acknowledging your feelings without judgement can help promote healing. 

Allow yourself to grieve

Losing a friendship often comes with a profound sense of loss. Unlike other kinds of grief, this loss often goes unrecognized and unsupported by those around us. Acknowledge the grief and allow yourself to have time and space to process the loss. 

Practice self-compassion and self-care

You are hurting in this moment, and you deserve kindness. Try to talk to yourself as you would a loved one who has experienced such a loss. Give yourself the self-care and compassion that will help you heal. 

Focus on reflection instead of resentment

Resentment and anger often sit right on top of the deep pain we feel in moments of loss and pain. Challenge yourself reflect on the entire experience instead of just the shortcomings you notice about the other person or yourself.  

Know that you still deserve friendships

The loss of a friendship can make us lose trust in our ability to maintain close connections or even make us question our worthiness of friendship. Intentionally cultivating other important relationships can help ease isolation and help you to rebuild self-trust. Try to connect with existing friends on a deeper level, or to reconnect with old friends who you still value. 

Seek counseling

Navigating a changing friendship can be emotionally difficult and may exacerbate other mental health challenges. A counselor can guide you to develop strategies to cope in these moments and grow from your experiences. 
CU Denver students have access to mental health counseling and a variety of mental health resources at no out-of-pocket cost. Visit the counseling center website for more information: https://www.ucdenver.edu/counseling-center.

References

Santucci, K., Dirks, M. A., & Lydon, J. E. (2025). With or without you: Understanding friendship dissolution from childhood through young adulthood. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 42(9), 2675-2699. https://doi.org/10.1177/02654075251334226 

Soeiro, L. (2025, December 20). When friendships end. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/i-hear-you/202512/when-friendships-end