Does it ever seem like others easily make friends, fly through exams, and get home in time to cook a healthy dinner? Sometimes it appears that everyone else is just better at life, and it doesn’t seem fair. And while believing this way is natural and even common, it can leave us feeling inadequate, anxious, and envious. So why do so many of us believe things are easier for everyone else? 

People share their successes, not their struggles

Most people communicate about their accomplishments and share highlight reels of their lives instead of revealing their challenges or loneliness. We are also more likely to observe the successes others have that we hope for than to notice the struggles others endure.

The iceberg illusion

We typically observe the results of someone’s success, but not the hard work, failures, sacrifices, and tears it took to get there. In addition, we may not be able to observe the mental, emotional, or physical strain that others endure to maintain their seemingly “easy” lives. 

The social comparison trap

“Compare and despair” is a common phrase that captures the dejected feeling we experience when we compare our successes, looks, or lives to others. This comparison is flawed because we are comparing our internal reality of hard work, doubts, and perceived flaws against the curated external public display of others.

Different people do have different strengths

We tend to notice what we want to improve in ourselves, and not what we are naturally good at. This tendency is a strength that can motivate us to work toward what we hope for. But it also leads us to notice what others do better than us, and not what we do better than others. 

Some people have more access to resources

Some people have more money, more time, and more bandwidth than we do in any given sphere. In spite of our best efforts, it is not always a fair competition. Acknowledging this can strengthen self-compassion. 

Some situations make things more difficult

Mental and physical health can play a significant role in our ability to prioritize even the most meaningful tasks. Additionally, factors such as systemic marginalization can create very real barriers to success that others do not experience. Acknowledging this can contribute to an enhanced sense of self-worth and may promote advocacy. 

Negative consequences

There are consequences to ruminating on the belief that others have it easier, particularly when we think it is because they are better than us in some intrinsic way. This thinking can leave us with chronic feelings of low self-worth and constant self-judgement. It can trigger stress and leave us emotionally exhausted. If we harbor jealousy or resentment toward people that matter in our lives it can damage relationships. And, ironically, it can destroy the motivation we need to build the lives we hope for. 

So, what can I do about it?

Seek honest accounts of experiences

Instead of relying on observations, seek out the stories behind successes. If you feel open to it, have vulnerable conversations with close peers and trusted mentors. 

Limit social media

Limit the time you spend on social media and take breaks when you feel insecure. Be selective about the content you follow and consume and unfollow people or content that is unsupportive or unhelpful. 

Observe differently

Challenge unfounded assumptions you may have about others. Intentionally aim to see others in the context of many events, not just their success stories or achievements. 

Motivate yourself

Coach yourself with encouragement and self-compassion instead of beratement or insults. Find ways to connect with the present moment instead of exclusively focusing on how you hope to be different. 

Track your own wins

Record your achievements, even the small ones. Record affirmations around your values and what makes you unique, versus how you compare to others. 

Focus on growth

Instead of comparing your progress to the achievements of others, consider your own growth. Compare yourself with who you were yesterday. 

Seek mental health support

While believing things are easier for others is natural, it can contribute to mental health distress or exacerbate underling mental health challenges. A counselor can guide you to develop strategies to cope in these moments and to leverage your personal talents and strengths. 

CU Denver students have access to mental health counseling and a variety of mental health resources at no out-of-pocket cost. Visit the Counseling Center website for more information.

Citations

Braghieri, Luca, Ro’ee Levy, and Alexey Makarin. 2022. Social media and mental health. American Economic Review 112 (11): 3660–93.

Fagan, Abigail. 2026, July 13. Social comparison theory. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/social-comparison-theory